Has it been a long time since you last had sex without Tina (or other chems)?
If so, rebuilding a satisfying sex life without Tina can be quite difficult.
This, for lots of men, is the greatest challenge.
Sex and Tina often become strongly linked.
Learning to rediscover the pleasures of sex without Tina takes time, effort, patience and creativity.
A common complaint among former users is that they now find “normal” sex boring, and that they find it hard to become aroused.
This is partly because the brain is now chemically imbalanced.
Tina floods the brain with dopamine.
Dopamine generates a feeling of pleasure and satisfaction.
Repeated and abnormally high releases of dopamine and Tina itself damage the neurotransmitters.
The longer and more intensively you’ve been using Tina, the longer it will take for your brain to recover and for you to enjoy sex without Tina.
This can take anywhere from several months to more than a year.
The process is also defined quite significantly by a variety of emotional aspects.
A lot of men use Tina to boost their confidence and sense of freedom.
Or to block out certain thoughts.
For instance, thoughts about HIV or hepatitis C, ageing, discomfort with one’s sexual orientation or needs.
All such thoughts evaporate with Tina, which allows guys to do things they might not otherwise have dared.
When you stop taking Tina, you will have to rely on your own resources.
Life without Tina also means a sex life without Tina.
Let go of the idea that you will someday have sex on Tina again.
This will only feed your craving and can lead to a relapse.
For some men, letting go feels like mourning.
They actually go through phases of mourning: denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance.
Denial: “Maybe I don’t really need to stop?”
Angry: “Goddammit, I’ll use Tina if I want to!”
Negotiate: “Surely, once a month isn’t unreasonable?”
Depression: “I’ll never be able to have normal sex again.”
Acceptance: “I can live without Tina, and my sex life will be okay again.”
Quitting Tina can feel like losing something, or having something taken from you.
But try to remember that your sexual life was rather extreme.
You experienced things that could not have happened without chems.
Put your memories in perspective.
Accept that you experienced the “impossible”.
Do not allow yourself to accept the idea that sex without chems is boring or tame.
The emotional connection you felt when you were high was caused by the chems, not by the contact.
It may have felt like you’d experienced a deep connection with your sex partner.
But a lot of men say they realised afterwards that the identity of their sexual partner hadn’t actually mattered.
Sex without chems is not a watered-down version of sex on Tina; it is something completely different.
It can be a chance for genuine connection with your sexual partner.
Timing
When should you have sex without Tina again?
That largely depends on your personal situation.
How severe is your craving?
How strong is your support network?
Are you in a relationship?
If you had a satisfying sex life and could connect intimately before you began using chems, then you know it’s possible to do so again.
If you had problems with these before Tina, the challenge is greater.
In which case, consider seeing a sex therapist.
Read more about timing
Simply thinking about sex can make you long for some Tina.
This is why men who are constantly horny feel like using all the time.
As a result, some men deliberately avoid sex.
If you find that the idea of sex immediately triggers your craving, it’s better to avoid having sex until the association is weaker.
Some men lose interest in sex.
After having nothing but sex on Tina for so long, they decide to put sex on the backburner for a while.
Sometimes for up to a year; sometimes longer.
This allows them to focus on recovery.
And allows them to avoid being in situations that trigger the need to use.
The brain gets the time it needs to recover.
It can even be a relief to not be preoccupied with sex.
The idea of having sex without being high makes some men nervous, sometimes even frightened.
Don’t let such fears paralyse you.
Continuously putting off sex without chems will eventually make it seem impossible.
Unless you decide to give up sex completely, you will eventually have to take a first step.
Understand that you’re far from alone in having difficulties with sex and sexuality in general.
Give yourself time, and don’t expect to have amazing sex right away.
You may need to first get used to simply being intimate without being high.
See it as a journey of discovery that may take years.
Others prefer to go straight back to having sex without Tina.
They can’t imagine taking a break from sex.
Be aware that sex can trigger your desire for chems, and poses the risk of a relapse.
Nonetheless, it isn’t necessarily wrong to try having sex again so soon.
By experiencing sex without Tina, you will be discovering new possibilities and forging new connections in your brain.
It may be difficult and feel awkward in the beginning, but at least it’s real.
You may discover that certain things just don’t work for you without Tina.
But do not allow yourself to use under any circumstances, and give yourself the time to re-discover yourself.